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WHY MARRIED PEOPLE DOWNLOAD DATING APPS

You can be anyone you want on the internet, and this temptation is sometimes hard to resist. I’m trying to figure out if virtual flirtation can lead to adultery


Nowadays, you can get everything without leaving home: pizza, clothes, painkillers, and even love. If you want to find some company for the evening, you can use your gadget because lonely hearts live in social networks and apps. By the way, family people often download dating sites. What for?


Here's how it happens: you accidentally visit the page of some cute stranger who runs a cooking or travel blog. The active exchange of likes begins. Then you start to write innocent short messages about work avalanches and bad weather. After a while, gifs and memes imperceptibly turn into flirting that is awkward at first. You are interested and scared at the same time. You are both testing the limits of what is acceptable.


And one day, you move to a new level and reveal all your secret desires. On the one hand, it has already become hot during the discussion of your pajamas, on the other — a nice stranger is far away, somewhere in Australia. The chance of meeting him is as likely as having sex with, say, Jean Reno (sorry, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt are not my types). You don't need to meet your new acquaintance. All you want to do is to tell someone about your favorite sex positions. Your spouse has learned everything about you, dutifully brings pleasure to you, and has already developed his own algorithm. You have also memorized this algorithm from cover to cover, and you are so dizzy that even the bright image of Jean Reno at his best doesn’t help you. Sex has become part of matrimonial duties.


Maybe, this is even not about sex. Everything is OK, but you are so tired of your routine that you can’t figure out what exactly you miss. You want to escape for a long time. Your feelings for your partner are still tender, but they are spoiled by daily routine. In general, you are slowly but steadily moving to someone else's territory. But you are not ready to throw yourself into the arms of a massage therapist or a trainer. You value your relationship. You just want to have a frank conversation with someone who doesn't need to plan the expenses for the next six months. You need someone with whom you can quickly feel different, and even crazy without any consequences.


There are lots of ways to flirt online. You can use Tinder, Pure, Down, and even Facebook. But let's talk about the moral side of online dating. At what point does virtual flirting become adultery? The psychotherapist Maria Kulchitskaya believes that each couple sees the concept of infidelity differently. Some people think that if you even look at someone else, you betray your partner. Others believe that kissing and hugging with strangers allows relieving the tension in a relationship. We don’t have the right to judge people as the understanding of what is normal can transform over time for each individual couple. For example, I appreciate the idea that your body belongs only to you. And only you have the right to decide what to do with it. It would be great if all couples that are going to get married understood this. A stamp on your passport does not mean that you start to belong to each other. A healthy relationship is a relationship between two individuals who respect each other’s boundaries.


One of my friends broke the boundaries of her fiance, examined his gadget a week before the wedding, and found a few sexually explicit conversations with unknown girls that lived in foreign countries. The plot would have been more epic if the ceremony had been disgracefully canceled. But this story had a happy ending: they got married. Now my friend’s husband carefully deletes his messages, and she is no longer interested in them. Besides, she doesn't think she's turning a blind eye to the problem as she believes that there’s no problem at all. However, she admits that it took her some time to learn to ignore her husband's virtual sins. Perhaps, she sees them as a moderate payment for their family happiness. It is possible that she herself doesn’t mind having an online date from time to time. I don't encourage you to download dating apps, but I still believe that it’s better to flirt with strangers occasionally, than replace your family life with cyber-flirting.


Sharing photos and videos is more than just a game. You let your new acquaintances get closer to you. A personal meeting leads to the point of no return. And don't lie to yourself that you’ll just drink coffee. I think that outbursts of online passion are not fatal and can prevent you from sinking into a real passion. Chatting about sex can be an emotional release.

Sooner or later, life together blurs the sensitive line between partners. People start to flirt when they want to prove that they are still attractive as sexual objects. Fantasies and dialogues with other people give you strength. You can later share this energy with your spouse. Thus, you can stimulate your relationship. An intimate relationship with other people is considered to be adultery. According to the laws of psychology, both spouses are responsible for it. And it's not about the adultery itself, but about how the relationship between spouses is built and how partners can manage the downfalls of their relations.

When you overindulge in online love affairs, it's time to ring the alarm. This means that your real relationship has problems. You want to escape to a place where you feel easy. And it is not only the desire to flirt that pushes you to do this but also the need for emotional intimacy. I know some cases when emojis and funny selfies caused two solid marriages to crash at once. Both participants of the crime relied on the moral stability of the other. This resulted in maintenance payments and division of property and children. Dating apps won’t help you find the answers to your family's unresolved questions. You won’t find the prime cause of the crisis in your husband's mailbox. All the reasons lie only in you and your relationship. And they should be analyzed without using the latest technologies.

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